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Pyotr Ilych Tchaikovsky- From Depression to the Nutcracker

The holiday season would not be complete without the performances of a worldwide masterpiece---The Nutcracker by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.  This extraordinaire composer left the word with unforgettable music works.  Unfortunately, Tchaikovsky’s life did not totally mirror the satisfaction his music brought to music lovers around the world.  I would like to share with you highlights from the life of this composer.

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky was born on May 7, 1840 in Kamsko-Votkinsk, Russia.  He had four brothers, one sister, and one half sister.  He suffered from depression and he also was a hypochondriac.

As a child, Pyotr would remain in the house with his mother while his siblings played outside.  He was a very sensitive child.  His parents decided he needed to go to a boarding school, and this devastated him tremendously.  The story goes as his mother’s carriage was trying to leave the school, he held onto the carriage sobbing bitterly, begging his mother not to leave him.

Pyotr took music lessons as a child, but there was nothing significant about his music skills.

His father wanted him to study law, and that was not his desire, but he obeyed his father and went to school to study law.  He hated the job, and he worked for about a year in the civil service.  After quitting his job, he enrolled as a music student in the Saint Petersburg Conservatory at age 22.  He excelled in his studies, and he enjoyed his time there.  When a major assignment was due, he would wait until the last minute to complete it, and on one occasion this led to a nervous breakdown.  One of his sisters took him in to care for him until he was better and able to resume his studies at the conservatory.

One of Pyotr’s piano students, Antonina Miliukova fell in love with him.  She was not a stable person mentally.  The letters she wrote to Pyotr were stained with blood.  This was a result of her biting her nails so deep that her fingers bled.  She wanted to marry Pyotr, but he did not.  She told him if he did not marry her she would commit suicide, and Pyotr did not want to have this on his conscience, so against the advice of his family he marries Antonina.  After about two weeks of marriage, it was Pyotr who tried to commit suicide.  This led to another nervous breakdown, and it was a long time before he could function again in society.  Thankfully, he had a loving family where one of his sisters took care of him until he recovered.

Tchaikovsky and Antonia

One of his friends gave a recital at the home of a wealthy woman named Nadezhda von Meck.  He asked Pyotr if he could play some of his compositions for the recital, and this delighted Pyotr.  Madame von Meck was impressed with Pyotr’s music, that she decided she would financially support him.  Pyotr would not have to worry about money again, and he could spend his days doing nothing but composing.  But Madame von Meck had one stipulation….she and Pyotr were never to meet in person.  They could correspond through letters, but never in person.  This arrangement lasted for thirteen years.

Children brought a lot of happiness to Pyotr and this led him to write the holiday favorite, “The Nutcracker”.  It was first performed in 1892.  The ballet was not popular when it premiered.

Tchaikovsky was asked to be the guest conductor for the opening ceremony of Carnegie Hall in 1891 in New York.  He was impressed by the hospitality towards him by the Americans.  While in America he spent a good bit of time in his hotel room crying. He had a great fear of his head literally rolling off his body while conducting.   He would put one hand on top of his head and conduct with the other hand.

We are blessed with some of the most beautiful and unforgettable music by this great composer.  His repertoire consists of:

3 Ballets:  “Swan Lake”, “Sleeping Beauty”, and “The Nutcracker”

6 Symphonies (Symphony 4 is dedicated to Madame von Meck)

“Peter and the Wolf”, “Romeo and Juliet”, 1812 Overture” (commemorated Russian victory against Napoleon’s armies)

His life was not easy and he suffered from depression.  His depression got deeper when his mother died, and when Madame von Meck abruptly stopped supporting him.  There has been a mystery over his death as to whether or not he committed suicide.  Pyotr was a homosexual, and this was something he could not let out in public during his lifetime.  He kept diaries, and once he found out diaries are read after a person dies, he burned his because he did not want anyone to know his inner deep thoughts.  He died from cholera like his mother did. It is during the last fifteen years of his life where his depression increased that his greatest works were created.  He died nine days after the premiere of “Pathetique”, his Sixth Symphony at the age of 53.

I have marveled at this composer, and I have wondered if he did not have music, would he have died at a younger age.  He was a tormented person, and it is sad he did not receive the medical/psychological help needed to help him deal with his depression.  How different the music world would be without the music of Tchaikovsky.  The gift he had came from God, and I am happy he did not let this gift go to waste.  Here was a man who more than likely had low self-esteem of himself.   What would he think today if he could come back and see how the world has embraced his music?  He has left a HUGE INFLUENCE on composers/musicians who came after him, and they were able to learn from him through studying his music scores. I have a great appreciation for the man who left the world richer with his music.


Cassandra Portee is an elementary music schoolteacher by day and has been for over 30 years. Her passion is music history and teaching about the lives of the classical composers. She’s also Seele’s copywriter. In her spare time she teaches piano lessons, works in the after school program at her school, volunteers on political campaigns, she’s involved in her church, she mentors young women, and she contributes to her community in planning events. Most weekends you can find her nestled in a bookstore, reading books with the latest seasonal latte.