It’s Exhausting Putting that Baby Back to Sleep- Porn
Simone Smith wrestled with a porn addiction for years and shares that freedom is possible, and it’s best to not wake up “the baby”- porn- but just let it lie so you don’t have to wrestle with the addiction, she says.
How do you lead into a piece about addiction to porn? Jump in feet first.
Though it’s been awhile, I’ve been very transparent with my addiction to porn. The kind of addiction where I’d would avoid seeing friends and family. Where I’d put myself in a high risk of getting caught. Where I’d flooded my mind with so many explicit images that’d pop up unsummoned. The kind where I was appalled by the thought of godly sex. That kind of addiction. The kind that does not let go without confession (Proverbs 28:13).
This piece isn’t about me or my experiences though. It’s about all of us and how my experience is becoming common despite this addiction being anything but normal. First and foremost, full disclosure: since confessing my struggles, I’ve still struggled to this day. However, after that ONE step in the right direction, it’s been completely different.
Where did this start anyway? Why did I even start looking at porn? I can only guess because unlike some, I don’t know of an exact moment that started me down that road, but I can say that I believe it was a mixture between curiosity and a desire for intimacy. I had just been through the most intense heartbreak that I’d experienced so far. I desperately missed the affection. I wasn’t ready for another relationship and romance wasn’t my thing, so no Lifetime movies for me. I’m still surprised I turned to porn, but I honestly think it was the perfect opportunity for the enemy to slip in an execute an effective attack.
As it progressed, porn became a leading source of my shame and depression as well as the distraction and numbing from it. See the problem? It became something that I didn’t even like doing anymore, but I did out of compulsion. It became something I did whenever I had free time, not because I wanted to but because I didn’t know when I’d have another chance to. I started comparing myself to these women; sometimes feeling inadequate, sometimes feeling superior. Either way, I was in bad shape looking to porn stars for justification. I also noticed that I was becoming increasingly anxious, isolated, and calloused from trying to hide my secret and from the exposure to a God-given gift stripped of the Giver himself.
There’s so much to unpack there, but brothers and sisters, from someone who’s been there and still hasn’t been completely removed, I beg you to seek true freedom which only comes from God because anything else is only temporary. I leave you with a verse that was like an embrace in my rehabilitation: “…Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Song of Solomon 8:4. Sex is not wrong. It’s heavenly, but do not wake it until it’s time. It’s exhausting putting that baby back to sleep.
Find other posts by Simone on pornography:
Find other Seele pots on pornography:
Like every other twenty-something, Simone is trying to find out where she fits in God's big plan. She has a passion for spiritual progress and peace and is clumsily but successfully breaking through the noise and nonsense of this world to promote and engage in the things that really matter. Her not so guilty pleasures include One Direction, Netflix binges, and breakfast foods. Read her blog, “The Be(a)st in Me.”
Like every other twenty-something, Simone is trying to find out where she fits in God's big plan. She has a passion for spiritual progress and peace and is clumsily but successfully breaking through the noise and nonsense of this world to promote and engage in the things that really matter. Her not so guilty pleasures include One Direction, Netflix binges, and breakfast foods. Read her blog, “The Be(a)st in Me.”