Tameika Isaac Devine, Finding Healing After Having a Stillborn Baby
*Interview conducted by Cassandra S. Portee.
Tameika Isaac Devine, is a wife, mother, practicing attorney, an elected official in Columbia, South Carolina, an entrepreneur, professional speaker, best-selling author and a certified personal and executive coach. She is the Founder of The Possibilities Institute, she works with women leaders and mothers to empower them to discover their leadership possibility maximize their potential and live a life that leaves a legacy.
At age 29, Tameika made history when she was first elected as a member of City Council, becoming the first African American female elected to city council and the first African American to be elected at-large. She has also worked on local, state and national campaigns, including the Presidential campaign of President, Barack Obama and the current Presidential campaign of Hillary Clinton.
Tameika and her husband Jamie.
Seele Magazine: What does the word “healing” mean to you?
Tameika Isaac Devine: Healing means being able to accept what is and be able to be grateful for the lessons learned from the experience and the strength that you developed.
SM: How was you and your husband’s faith affected by your belief in God after the loss of your child?
TID: Our Faith was strengthened. We realized that what doesn't break you makes you stronger and that God can take a horrible experience and use it to be a blessing to you and to others.
SM: If you can sit down and talk to parents who had a stillborn baby, what advice would you give them?
TID: Know that it is not your fault. That the love that created your baby will be your strength through your loss. Understand that everyone grieves differently so please allow yourself to grieve the way that you need to but also understand that your spouse's grief may be different and you have to respect that. Know that God loves you and he will strengthen you. And lastly, know that you will see your baby again one day.
Jamie and Tameika, and their stillborn son, James Henry.
SM: Shortly after you found out your baby was not alive, did you question, blame or resent God? Did you blame yourself in not recognizing signs or symptoms during your pregnancy?
TID: I never blamed God. I did question him but I had to realize that even if I had a "reason" that I lost my baby, it would not change what was. I did blame myself. I felt I should have realized his movements had slowed and I also wish I have pushed the doctors and staff more when he had decreased fetal movement at an earlier appointment. I really blamed the doctors for a while. I felt that they should have known something was wrong. But at the end of the day, blaming would not bring my baby back so I had to move into acceptance.
SM: How did the loss of your son affect your relationship with your husband and your two daughters?
TID: Our loss brought us closer as a couple and has made me a more grateful parent. I also knew my children were a true blessing but after the loss of James Henry I have gotten so appreciative of every moment and every experience. I take time to be present with my children. I am grateful for the blessing of being a mom and want to enjoy every moment.
SM: You and your husband have written a book about your experience. What were the factors that led you both to share your story with others? Would you say writing this book was a healing process for you?
TID: Writing the book was truly therapeutic. It helped getting the feelings out and be able to share. The reason we wanted to share our story is because we had so many people come up to us after the loss and share similar losses but many of them never talked about their losses or their babies. We felt that was so wrong. Our baby is still very much a part of our family, he just is in heaven and we thought the reason people don't share is because they think people won't understand. We wanted people to know it is OK to remember your baby. It is OK to share your story. We knew someone could be blessed by us sharing our story.
SM: Today you and your husband are blessed with a healthy baby boy. Has this deepened both of your faiths in God and what lessons have you both gleaned from this experience?
TID: Yes. Our faith has only grown. We know God is amazing and he keeps his promises.
SM: When you hear the name Jesus what comes to mind?
Father, Savior, Grace, Mercy, Love
